Bipolar Depression

You may be wondering, “What is Bipolar Depression?” While I would love to give you a straightforward answer, I can’t really do that. I will try  my best to below though.
Here is a video that describes mood disorders, such as Bipolar Depression.

In this video they mentioned the book “An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness” by Kay Redfield Jamison. I have read this book and I really truly recommend the book if you are curious about Bipolar Depression or Bipolar Disorders in general. It is a memoir of her journey and describes it best I have found.

Another book is “The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know” by David J. Miklowitz, PhD. This book goes into how to recognize the warning signs of manic and depressive episodes, how to find the right medication and therapy and the journey you may have to go on to find the right fit, how to prevent mod swings from ruling your life, and finally how to stay on track at home and work. There are sections where people give their stories and incites, it helps you realize that you are not alone, there are other people out there and you can get through this. That you can thrive.

Some questions the book answers are:

• How can you distinguish between early warning signs of bipolar mood swings and normal ups and downs?
• What medications are available, and what are their side effects?
• What should you do when you find yourself escalating into mania or descending into depression?
• How can you tell your coworkers about your illness without endangering your career?
• If you have a family member with bipolar disorder, how can you provide constructive help and support?

It has come to my attention that this should have perhaps been my first post as a way for you to get to know me little better. Where I tell you about my Bipolar Depression and everything that I know about it and my thoughts on it. Its hard to put into words my thoughts and feelings about my life and what all goes on in it and I don’t really want to create a post where I quote from books all of the time because I honestly have no idea on how to even begin. But I suppose I should begin from when I first started to seek treatment. Let me tell you a little story then.

I had just moved out of the nest and was out in the big bad world with no family around me, though I thankfully had the privilege of having a free place to stay during my time at University. I knew I was depressed and so I went to the counseling service building on campus and went to a few sessions and never went back for individual sessions, mainly for scheduling reasons but also because I didn’t feel like it was helping and my counselor couldn’t provide me with the information that I desperately needed. I kept thinking that there was something wrong with me, but also doubting myself and thinking that I was over exaggerating what everyone felt, so I kept having these internal struggles.

Then one semester I figured I would try group therapy through the counselors office, maybe this would help me better understand myself. But again I felt isolated and alone in the group, my struggles were not something I could easily put into words, every time I would speak up the group wanted to know more and I would get frustrated because how could I tell something i didn’t know myself, the group expressed frustration with my “superficial shit” as one person so eloquently put it, but the superficial shit means a lot to me. One time I expressed that I would like to seek help and mediation because I felt like there were multiple identities within my body, like that old tale of the wolves, you have two wolves fighting and the one who eats more grows, but my example was that of a wolf pack but that there were multiple wolves fighting to be pack leader, fighting for dominance over the others and it was that constant struggle for dominance that had me wanting to seek help. Everyone in the group was extremely nice though, and what happens in group stays in group, but I can tell you about my experiences and what I did and experienced in group, if that makes sense? Finally the end of the semester rolled around and I chose not to go back to group session next semester and seek other help instead.

I found out later on that there was a free clinic for students at the University Hospital, so I made a appointment and went to see my first psychiatrist and she listened to my story and diagnosed me with Bipolar Depression and took the time to sit down with me and find a medication that would work best for me and if my medication would be covered under my insurance.

So, you may have questions, like what is Bipolar Depression. Well, I will try my best to explain. But I highly recommend the books listed above and to watch the video linked.

Bipolar Depression is where you experience periods of time where you are manic, depressive or neutral. Imagine a three tier system where the top tier is your manic episode, the middle tier is your neutral level and the bottom tier is your depressive episode. Bipolar Depression is where you spend most of your time in the bottom tier and less time in the top or middle tier, but you still have episodes of mania or top tier level where you loose sleep, spend more, have racing thoughts and you feel like you are on top of the world. So I spent the majority of my time in the depressive state and that is why it is called Bipolar Depression, but I also have neutral periods where I feel…normal, but then what is normal for me is little depressed but not to where it affects my life. Anxiety usually accompanies with Bipolar Disorder. I am on one medication for my Bipolar Depression and one medication for my insomnia and anxiety.  But I don’t let my Bipolar Depression rule my life, I still live a great life, I am happy and I have great friends who help me when I am feeling low and I have a beautiful puppy and kitties to get me through the day.

Again if you have any questions or comments, leave them in the comments section.

Hope you have a wonderful day! 🙂

Here is a clematis from my garden to make your day alittle better.